|A Wannabes story||Disordered Eating|
Everyone has always said I'm thin, and so lucky. I guess it was just one of my things. I used to eat like any other child, not caring about what my weight was. I was naturally thin. My family loved it too. It's one of those things they always mess with me about. And my mom just loves telling my relatives how hard it is to get clothes because of my 'petite' waist. This never bothered me.
Then, I don't really remember when it started, but I started to feel I was putting on weight. I guess it was after I quit the rowing club. I wasn't doing sports anymore because, when in that club, I had to give everything else up.
I was always saying to myself, okay, I'll just eat less. But I can't actually remember being able to. I could never throw up. I just wouldn't be able to do that to myself.
So, lately, I've started to notice weight on me. And I don't like it one bit. And my old trousers- that don't fit anyone else, only my 12 year old cousin (who is 4 years my junior)- are getting tight. Too tight. The weight is way too noticeable for my liking. I strive for perfection and to be better than others. One of these ways has always been, that I am thinner than others. But not anymore. Now I am like, 'average' weight for my category. And I don't like that. So, I'm trying to cut down on eating, and am starting to exercise. I'll never join another competitive team, what that rowing club put me through I will never forgive them for and I don't want it to happen again.
But, I realized the other day, I actually don't eat that much anyway, as my friend pointed out. I have nothing until dinner in the evening, then maybe fruit and a bar as well. And that's it. And that's the frustrating bit, because I am still putting on weight. I am 8 stone now and in my opinion, that is at least 1 stone too much.
This summer, I am resolving to skip meals as much as possible, to walk places whenever possible and to exercise in the evenings whenever possible. I am serious about this. Come September I want to be back to my old 24 inch waist- or even better 22. But, the thing is, no one around me is supporting me. They fail to see the new weight because they don't want to. And that frustrates me. Because that means when I do loose weight, no on will notice. I am not gonna go overboard and become anorexic- no way. My friend did, not to an extreme, but symptoms were there, and that is certainly not going to happen to me.
I just want to be a nice figure. I'm 16. I want to be able to be the size I want to be and wear all the clothes I have to show that off, like boob tubes, and crop tops. But I cant now, because I am fat.