Anonymous Story Disordered Eating

I have only realized I have a disorder for the last 3 days. I am 45 years old. My earliest memories of abusing food were when I was about 13. I began babysitting and would eat anything I could find for snacks. Puberty is also when my migraines began. I would creatively cook for an entire weekend eating as I went along. When I was 19 I became a vegetarian and then it led to macrobiotic eating. I was 25 years old and 98 lbs. I then had children, gained and lost over and over again. I had four children and never considered I had a yo-yo problem. I tried a doctor program with diet pills and got back down to 115 and then shot back up again. I then tried another program with bible study and lost all the excess weight. This lasted for 2 years and then up I went up again. I seem to go on 2-3 year cycles. It wasn't until I saw Carnie Wilson on TV and heard her describe how not having a father relationship can lead to eating disorders. I went online and found more information. I have all the emotional problems to substantiate an eating disorder: people pleaser; no assertiveness; exploitive relationships; no control; no boundaries; childhood rageaholic parents; fear of people, water, conflict, public speaking. The list goes on and on. So now I understand a life of no control also includes food. Getting control appears to be the solution.