Meredith's Story Anorexia & Compulsive Eating

My battle with eating disorders began when I was in eighth grade. I had always been unhappy with the way I looked and was teased constantly in elementary school. I began losing weight, not purposely, because I played so many sports. When I started to receive compliments on how good I looked, I began my quest for thinness. When I started my eighth grade year I weighed 117 pounds, down from 138. As I got complimented more and more, I ate less and less. I was constantly hungry and I thought about food all day. But giving in would mean I was wanting to "get fat".

I used exercise as a way to lose the minimal calories I was consuming in a day. My typical day would go like this: one frozen waffle for breakfast, one pretzel rod and skim milk for lunch, 2 hours of track practice after school, a salad for dinner, and then a 30 minute jog at night. By Christmas of 1997 I weighed 100 pounds. My mom had started taking me to a doctor specializing in eating disorders. He told me that if I went below 90 pounds I would have to stop running track. By March of 1998 I weighed 89 pounds and was admitted into the hospital. I spent 28 days there and was released weighing 93 pounds. By the summer of 1998 I was at my all time low of 83 pounds.

On September 4,1998 I awoke to the dawn of new voices. I had an incredible urge to eat, eat, eat. I couldn't control it any I listened to that urge. This was the beginning of my battle with binge eating. Now, three years later at 17 years old I weigh 163 pounds and am 5'0". I can no longer control what goes in my mouth. Even though I am so out of control, the anorexic part of me still shine through every so often. I have my days, sometimes weeks, where I will become obsessed with exercising and eating no more then 1000 calories. I guess that is what keeps me from gaining tons of weight, even though I am overweight for my height. Sometimes I feel like I will never be normal around food. I want it so bad but yet a tiny part of me wishes I could be stick thin again. Hopefully, someday I can be at a normal weight and be happy. Until then tough, it is a never-ending battle which I cannot seem to win.

~~ Meredith