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It wasn't until I was 15 that I
realized that I was fat. I wanted to
be as beautiful as everyone else, but
I wasn't. Stuffing my face with food
became a way for me to pacify my
self hate. At 16 I began purging
after the man I lost my virginity to
broke up with me. At first it was great! I lost 15 pounds in two weeks. At 96 pounds I was weak
but I felt in control. I then knew
how to stop the burning confusion
in my mind - simply cleanse myself
by ritually purging into the
porcelain bowl. "Wow, what a
relief!" I learned to throw up in
silence. My mother and father
never heard a sound.
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