The stories I read that were written by women who struggle with bulimia gave
words to my situation and allowed me to realize that I am not alone.
I have had a problem with bingeing and purging for over 20 years. I am often
overcome with the compulsion to over eat and "get rid of it" in the kitchen sink.
My desire to be thin and accepted verses my chosen method of stress reduction
through eating comfort food overwhelm me. I often feel ashamed of myself and
out of control. My compulsion to over eat and throw -up may only occur once a
week as I've gotten older. I've become more accepting of my body, and more
confident about myself. But the bulimia monster is always there. Especially
when food tastes so good and I over eat. When I'm full, I don't even need to
stick my finger down my throat anymore; the food just comes up on its own. This frightens me because I'm concerned about the damage my stomach acid
might be causing in my esophagus.
I keep thinking I can control this and stop on my own. I'm too filled
with shame and embarrassment to tell my doctor. I'm amazed that I'm even
sending this e-mail.
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