I really can't remember a time I didn't have an eating disorder, it's like I was born with it. Yes, I came from a healthy family of eaters. Family times were always gathered around food. I was taught to love food. I don't know when it really got out of control, the bulimia, the overeating, the binge without the purge. I disgust myself, I cannot look into a mirror it frightens me all 215 pounds of me. I want to run away but the mirrors are always there, my image of what I look like haunts me. I long to be normal, or just to have a day that food does not consume me. I live it, dream it, think it, eat it. And risk life and limb to get it, can't pass a fast food restaurants, chocolate attack 10 bags of it later feeling so depressed I want to die. I wonder if I can ever be normal or if this is just how I will live until I die.