Kim's Story Bulimia Nervosa

Kim, my story

I started purging when I was 16. I started to gain weight when my mother met my step-father when I was 8. At first, he was a great dad. My real dad wasn't in my life and I didn't understand why so my step-father became my dad, my friend, and mentor. I looked up to him a great deal. A year into their marriage, my step-father started sexually abusing me. I told my mother but she didn't believe me. Eating was my way of dealing with the hurt, the pain of rejection by my mother.

Of course the weight kept piling on until I reached a 170 lbs at age 16. My mother would always call me fat, a pig, and she would say that my butt was the size of Texas. I ignored her at first, but then I started to believe her and would see the girls at school who were skinny. They were so liked and popular. I thought they were that way because they were skinny. My junior year of high school, my step-father convinced my mother that I needed to quit school and stay at home all day. She believed him and she made me quit.

Soon after that, I started purging. I thought that if I could be skinny I could make my mother believe me that my step father was abusing me. It felt good the first time I did it. I felt ashamed but I also felt this great relief, that I actually had control over my life. I went from 170 lbs to 118 lbs in 4 months. I thought WOW, this is great. I turned 18, joined the Army and stopped purging. I felt free finally. I was able to stop the purging for awhile. Every now and then if I ate too much I would purge but never on a regular basis.

I am now 25 and have been purge free for 3 years. The problem now is I am feeling that way again. For the past few days I have been purging, I feel fat, sick, and ugly. I feel like my family is once again controlling me because I am fat again. See I now weigh 224 lbs. I want so badly to be skinny again. I think this is my only way to being pretty again. Here I go one more round. I'll lose the weight, become happy again, and stop, but for now it is my way.