Jessica's Story Bulimia Nervosa





I am 14 years old right now. In 8th grade. I am absolutely obsessed with my weight. It is really hard for me. Now, I don't know exactly what eating disorder I have. I don't even know if I have one or not. I just know that I binge at least once a week without even trying. I eat less and less everyday. I never eat breakfast because I am already late for school every morning so there is no time. All the time at lunch, I throw it away. EVERYTHING!!!! I don't save my lunch money and not get in line, I just throw it away to give me the pleasure that I have the control over my eating habits.

My friends don't seem to notice. Although, my other friend, her name is Jessica too, she always jokes around. I say I'm fat, and she said I am obsessing, and that I am too skinny, and that I look anorexic. I DO NOT!!!!! I am 14, 5! "3, and I weigh 113 lbs. That is normal but you see, I have EXTREMELY high metabolism./ I could eat like a cow and not gain an inch. But, in some demented way I think I am still fat. Friends and family are really always supportive. They tell me I look like a super model. That's great. But, I want to look like those girls in school that I compare myself to. I have HUGE thighs. When I sit down you can see my jellyrolls, and those HUGE thighs of mine stick out and are so big they slap each other. GRRRR!!!!!!

well, I guess I developed this problem quite about a year ago at the age of 13. I don't want to make myself so skinny that I die, but I am actually "scared to eat" ...... I at least want to reach 100 lbs. I think I am close. I run about 2 miles a day, I walk to and from school. So why am I so scared?????