Jami's Story Bulimia Nervosa

My entire life I have been fat. As a child I was sexually abused by my then 13 year old stepbrother. I was always teased in school and at home because of my weight, and I have always known that I am fat. As of now I am 14 years old, 5'5 and 132. I don't know if that is truly fat or not, it seems fat to me, but I don't think I am totally right in the head. As a result of my abuse, I had to go into a hospital and take all kinds of tests to see if I was insane. It was such a depressing time for me, and so confusing, since I was about 7. I turned to food for support. I would take an entire bag of cookies into my room and eat the whole thing. Then I would hide the bags of food in my room. Eventually my stepfather found the bags under my couch, and all of my family made fun of me even more.

With puberty I evened out a little, but not much. I tried diets all the time, and I would lose weight, but gained it back later. I always try to be my dream person, Kate Moss. And right now I will go all day not eating anything, but then I come home and binge/purge. My stepfather knows, but I don't know how or really care. He always cracks jokes. Like if I tell him I feel sick, he tell me that "maybe I should go to the bathroom and stick my finger down my throat". I threw up so much one day, and used so much toilet paper to clean off my mouth, that I clogged the toilet. My mom didn't buy my "I'm sick" excuse, and she asked me if I was Bulimic. Of course I said no. I just finished an exercise program, but I gained so much muscle in the class that I only lost 9 pounds, and 3% body fat. Not good enough. Muscle is too heavy. So I have a whole program figured out for me to lose my weight. I want to get down to 100-110. But that seems so far!! I guess I will have to wait and see. And when I am a successful anorexic, and not such a coward, I will write an update. If anyone even wants to hear about my sick, sad life.

Love Always,

*_* Jami