Dayna's Story Bulimia Nervosa

I've been bulimic for three years. It started my freshman year in college. I gained about 20 pounds because I wasn't in track or basketball anymore, and I didn't know anyone. I drank a lot to try meet new people or find a hot boyfriend to bring back home with me so I could show him off to everyone. I started to throw up after I got drunk and got the munchies. If anyone saw me, I would just act like I was so drunk and puking because of the alcohol, but I just wanted to get rid of all that fatty food in my system.

After a while, I wondered if I could puke up my food when I was sober, I thought that would solve all my problems, so one day, I tried it, and it wasn't so bad. I tried the one apple a day thing, but that never really worked with me. I love food too much. In the past three years, there's never been more than a 2 week period that I've gone without bingeing and purging. My record is 11 days. It's so weird because I always told myself I wouldn't let it get bad, I would only do it until I lost the weight I had gained, then I would stop. I had no idea it would take complete control over my life and not let me go.

I've never known real depression before this. Some days, I skip every one of my classes so I can lay in bed all day and dream about better times, times when I'm skinny and happy, or times when I don't think about food every second. Sometimes those times seem so far away I can't stand it, and I just want it all to be over.

The hardest thing for me is telling others. There're about ten people that know now, I told all six of my roommates 3 months ago, because I was so tired of hiding and lying all the time. I'm so glad I did. They still don't understand a lot of things, but I don't feel as alone sometimes. I feel like sometimes there're seven people fighting this disorder instead of only one. Only one person knows back home. That's still the place where I have to be perfect. The girl with the perfect face and perfect voice and perfect body.

I know I will beat this. But there's no way I could do it alone. With the help of my friends and God, there will be a day where I don't even consider bingeing and purging. I truly believe that for me, and all of you. Don't give up, you're not alone.