Anonymous Bulimia Nervosa

I desperately need help. I have been doing the purging for over eighteen years. I am now 36 years and have purging for approximately overly 18 years. Mine started like just about everyone else as a teenager. I started when I was 16 years old. I was fat, kids at school laughed at me, my mother criticized me, I had very, very, very, low esteem and of course I discovered how to purge the food, etc., but before I did this I tried other diets such as Slim Fast, diet pills, water pills than I was informed about purging food.

I am 4'10" and when you're short 10" lbs. shows EASY. I was called chubby, "you look like the frosty the snow man," etc., the kids use to quote ugly phrases because I was fat. So this is what motivated me to doing what I did because I didn't want to be made fun of any damn more because of my weight. Yes, I can admit my bulimia problem and "yes" it sucks, "yes" you become a slave. You can't stop, you can't control it, It is very horrible and a damn way to live. I know I live like this, it is my life, though I realize I have a problem for over 18 years. I know and am very aware that I live like this, it is my life.

I want help, but I am "toooooooooo" scared. Even more scared since I shared this with a "Very, Very, Very close friend," and what happened, "HE" held it AGAINST me. I dated him for almost a year. Well, we are broke up now. This type of reaction has made me withdrawn from the world and made my problem even worse. If you have this problem/disorder you need support, love, healing, positivity, etc. Now I skip more meals, and when/if I eat, of course, it will automatically be purged. Men/boys, stress, love, issues, pressure to fit in, etc., is what makes/continues you to be a slave for how ever, and how long to this bulimia disorder. Well, this is my testimony.