Sherisse's Story Bulimia Nervosa

I am not sure exactly how it started. All I know is that my best friend in the world brought my ex boyfriend who I loved for four years to my prom without telling me. After having the worst night of my life, I found myself with no appetite for awhile. All I did was cry day and night. About the fifth day after prom, I craved food, so I ate everything in sight. The guilt I felt inside forced me to the washroom to rid myself of my guilt. I figured, I have no control over my life, I might as well have control over my weight. I knew the second I vomited that it would probably become a problem because I had eating problems before, but as others, I thought I could stop.

Being a professional dancer, I was used to being told as a class that losing weight was top priority. My family used to tease and make fun of my weight, which was the most hurtful thing I can remember about growing up. The thought of my own mother looking me up and down saying, "You really should lose weight" disgusts me. I thought it was how you feel that counts but when I told my mom that my friends said I looked great, she responded "they are just jealous because they want to look better than you."

It is now about three months later and I am worse than ever. I binge and purge at least 2-4 times a day. People cannot believe how much weight I have lost and for the first time in my life, my mom compliments me on how good I look. I thought this was what I wanted but it is not. I feel awful! My mom watches me binge and tells me I shouldn't eat that much. It's as if she sees what's happening and doesn't care. Right now, I don't even want to leave my house or talk to my family or friends. The control I thought I had is pushing me into depression.