Anonymous Story Bulimia Nervosa

I am a 19-year-old sophomore in college. Every since middle school I have been worried with my weight and body image. I have always been the girl that never got a boyfriend. All my friends have always been so skinny and pretty and I was always just there.

So in ninth grade one of my friends and I decided to go on a diet. I would only eat a healthy choice frozen dinner meal a day and exercise for about 3 hours a day. I lost a lot of weight. I kept this up for about a year, until my friend, who was on the same diet, got a boyfriend. Oh, I ate and ate.

My first year in college I gained the famous "freshman 15" plus more. I got to the point I couldn't fit into any of my old clothes. I became miserable. So I joined a gym and put myself on a strict diet. I have done the binge and purge thing, but I would never loose weight doing that. I only do it now after I eat something really fattening. I exercise at the gym for 2 hours a day, then run 3 or 4 miles. I eat one small meal a day. I have been using laxatives. I don't think I have a problem, but I am so miserable with my size. I look around and all I see is super skinny girls that are so happy. In some secret twisted way I think I'll be happy when I have a skinny body. I am 5'7 and 140 pounds. I just feel so gross. I hope, eventually, I will happy with my looks.