My Story Bulimia Nervosa

Where to begin? who knows? These are the scariest, longest, most f*ck#@d up times that I hope to ever go through. I blame this disease on the one that I was diagnosed with a year ago, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). You know, when you are obsessed with things- like everything has to be perfect in its place, I always had to work out and if I didn't then I would be very pissed, all it is that everything has to be perfect, I was obsessed. I started off at 132 lbs. I was never happy with myself. I decided to do good and be "perfect" last January. I started compulsively working out and counting calories in everything even sticks of sugar-free gum. I never knew that the obsession with hating food and being disgusted with others that overate around me would lead to the obsession that I now share with food. I lost weight successfully and was down to 105 lbs. I decided that I would start to eat all the foods that I loved now, but I would overcome the guilt by purging or throwing up. I am now in a trap that I cannot get out of. I can't quit bingeing and throwing up. It's very scary and I am even more scared of fat. Why is it such a scary thing. I have forgotten the meaning to moderation in anything in life. I oversleep, drink too much, overeat, shoplift. My life is on the edge, and I am slowly falling off. I never thought that I would hear myself say that I wanted to be anorexic, but I want to quit overeating and I want to be ANOREXIC. I need help! I don't know how this story will help anyone, but I feel better since I could share it. I hope u know that you are not alone. This disease sucks and it won't let go of me!