Thoughts on Bulimia
Do we ever think that it will be us? i never thought it would be me. You
know you think that it's just something, something that will pass, something
that will go away, a piece of yourself that is'nt really there. Like some
ghost that lingers. i feel this lingering whisper in my body and it becomes a
roar . Hunger descends on me now like some kind of mac truck, a screaming
desire. i am a very strong woman...... this thing, this hunger, well it just
won't go. Hating the way i look, and wouldn't you know it , my man, the love
of my life..a model type. So beautiful...i mean like really hot..Why can't i
be that girl that walks by with those legs those abs..whatever...
So i eat, and then i eat again, and then it's the fingers and the fucking
anger that i just did it again and maybe this time i won't be hungry later,
and maybe this time i won't have to feel the roll of fat that lays over my
jeans and maybe this time i will beat it i will look in the mirror and
things will be different. i told myself this morning that i didn't need to
cry, all over food. God , does that ever make me want to laugh. Who made
these rules, i am not worth the body i have ..my worth does not exist in my
body Somewhere inside i just know that thin will be my salvation, just
thirty pounds and this will all be over right? Hell bound are the magazines
that tell me that i am nothing..and the girl in drivers ed that told me i was
a pig... i am a bulimic..i am so not only that. Please understand ..i am so
much more then that. i am a woman, but i want to be a goddess, eating only
apples..MAY GOD 'S PEACE LAY WITH THOSE WHO SHARE MY FANTASY, WE ARE ALL DUE
TO SURVIVE, AND SOMEHOW WE WILL
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