Godiva's Story Bulimia

Thoughts on Bulimia

Do we ever think that it will be us? i never thought it would be me. You know you think that it's just something, something that will pass, something that will go away, a piece of yourself that is'nt really there. Like some ghost that lingers. i feel this lingering whisper in my body and it becomes a roar . Hunger descends on me now like some kind of mac truck, a screaming desire. i am a very strong woman...... this thing, this hunger, well it just won't go. Hating the way i look, and wouldn't you know it , my man, the love of my life..a model type. So beautiful...i mean like really hot..Why can't i be that girl that walks by with those legs those abs..whatever... So i eat, and then i eat again, and then it's the fingers and the fucking anger that i just did it again and maybe this time i won't be hungry later, and maybe this time i won't have to feel the roll of fat that lays over my jeans and maybe this time i will beat it i will look in the mirror and things will be different. i told myself this morning that i didn't need to cry, all over food. God , does that ever make me want to laugh. Who made these rules, i am not worth the body i have ..my worth does not exist in my body Somewhere inside i just know that thin will be my salvation, just thirty pounds and this will all be over right? Hell bound are the magazines that tell me that i am nothing..and the girl in drivers ed that told me i was a pig... i am a bulimic..i am so not only that. Please understand ..i am so much more then that. i am a woman, but i want to be a goddess, eating only apples..MAY GOD 'S PEACE LAY WITH THOSE WHO SHARE MY FANTASY, WE ARE ALL DUE TO SURVIVE, AND SOMEHOW WE WILL