Hi! My name is Cora and I'm 14 years old. I weight 140 pounds and I'm about 5'6. I thought (and still do) I was fat. I wanted to be skinny and beautiful like women are "suppose" to look. I wanted to be pretty like all the other girls on MTV and stuff. I tried to diet and not eat, but I just couldn't stick with it.. I was hungry and I wanted to eat! So, I found after meals of what I would eat I would take a visit to the bathroom and puke it up. I tried and tried but I just couldn't throw up! It didn't work! Once, because I made myself hold my finger deep inside my throat I puked a little...but not much. After I had eaten, and tried to puke it I felt worse because I couldn't even throw it up! After a few weeks I knew somehow that what I was doing was wrong, plus I hadn't had that much luck. I burst into tears telling my mother who had no idea! She got me help even though I didn't have the problem that bad.
I'm so glad that I didn't blow this up and make it worse, I felt cold and alone and that no one understood me. I felt so alone. I still want to be beautiful...and I wonder if the problem is gone. I feel it there a lot..like it's hiding, waiting to get me, to pounce upon me when I think I'm fine and don't have the problem anymore. I will see food and want to eat, but I will control myself and just eat my meals and once in a while eat snacks. I eat healthy too. But I know it's there, deep inside me....waiting....