Brandy's Story Bulimia

I just wanted to send my story.....

Hi. My name is Brandy. Right now I am a freshman in college. My "problem" started, I think, in the 10th grade when I gratefully made the cheerleading squad. Making the squad at my school was a tough thing, so I was very proud of myself...I even ate a whopper at Burger King to celebrate...little did I know that that whopper would be my last "normal" meal. Being a cheerleader totally changed my life. I started hanging out with the "cool" girls. I was having so much fun.

One day at practice my coach made a comment to me about how IÕd be such a better flyer if I lost a couple pounds. I didnÕt really let it get to me until I lost my spot as a flyer and was moved to a back spot. I didnÕt like it at all. My sophomore homecoming was a great time, and the after party was where this all started. I was pigging out big time on pretzels, and chips, and started to feel sick...a fellow cheerleader helped me to the bathroom and told me just to stick my finger down my throat and IÕd feel better. Not even thinking I listened, and it worked.

She taught me something that I used at least 10 times a week. I would starve myself as long as I could, eat a little, enough to satisfy and then get rid of it...I would also take tons of diet pills thinking they would help me not be hungry. Evidently I got my flying position back and did better than ever, I helped my team take many first and second places and felt good knowing that I was thinner. I never ever weighed myself...a big fear of mine, scales. I get on one and see the number lower, and think gosh, IÕm doing good, I can do better! See the number higher and want to die, and starve for the longest.

I was so sick of everyone talking behind my back about how I was the girl that made myself sick, or that didnÕt eat. I saw a counselor and talked to her and she really tried to help me, but I didnÕt want help, and she knew that. I needed this to control. I felt like everything else was controlled by someone else, and I needed a job! My friends all had great boyfriends, I had some flings, but never cared about any of them, my parents wanted me to do everything perfect, my grades had to be good, I had to pitch extra good in softball for my dad, and the list goes on. I just felt over whelmed.

Until, one day in school, I passed out in the middle of the hall way, and a teacher had to force a snickers bar practically down my throat. After I realized what was going on I ran to the bathroom stuck my finger down my throat to get rid of it, but I couldnÕt, all I got was blood...and I am NOT a big fan of blood, so that freaked me out. It got me thinking that this is not where I want to be, at all.

I then tried to be good, tried to be better, and improved a tad...IÕd have my days. I just wanted to be better before college so I could start over. Now, in college, I am doing considerably better. I donÕt go to meetings anymore, and I honestly think that helps for me. Being very competitive, seeing girls at meetings get skinny made me want to starve even more, thinking, "I have to win! I have to be the skinniest!!"

Having great friends and a great boyfriend gives me motivation to just be a normal girl, just like them. To eat cookies and have "chips and salsa" parties with the girls....I do admit it is hard and there are days when I do slip up, and days when I look in the mirror and just want to lay in bed all day and not see anyone, but then I have to think of how bad I felt about a year ago, and pray that it will never get like that again!!