I was 13 when my parents started to talk about divorce. I took
it pretty bad. They were screaming all the time and arguing about
everything. I guess that's when I started to slack off eating. I was in
eighth grade at the time. It was so easy. I would take my lunch in
the morning, hide it in my locker or backpack until I could give it
away or throw it away. My friends would sometimes say, "Aren't you
going to eat anything?" I just said I had already eaten. That whole
year I wore jeans that were about four sizes too big for me, so no one
would comment. By the end of the year I had lost about 45 pounds.
By this time my parents had divorced and my mother was taking it
out on my sisters and I. They would yell scream at each other, and I
would sit in my room and cry myself to sleep almost every night. I
somehow stopped being really anorexic, and decided I was just a
nuisance to this world, so I started cutting myself, with anything
really, glass, pins, anything sharp. I tried to kill myself many times
doing this, but I was to afraid to go through with it. I guess all I
wanted was to loved. No one ever talked to me about the divorce or
my losing weight. They just looked on and made comments here and
there.
I am 14, almost fifteen now. I never received help or advice
from anybody. I guess that's why I am still struggling with it. Even though
I have gained a lot of my original weight back, I still want to stop
eating sometimes and hurt myself but I try to control my anger and
pain until I can find someone who truly understands what I went
through and still going through. Thank you for listening to my story,
this has helped greatly.
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