Anonymous Story Anorexia Nervosa & Cutting Alaska

I was 13 when my parents started to talk about divorce. I took it pretty bad. They were screaming all the time and arguing about everything. I guess that's when I started to slack off eating. I was in eighth grade at the time. It was so easy. I would take my lunch in the morning, hide it in my locker or backpack until I could give it away or throw it away. My friends would sometimes say, "Aren't you going to eat anything?" I just said I had already eaten. That whole year I wore jeans that were about four sizes too big for me, so no one would comment. By the end of the year I had lost about 45 pounds.

By this time my parents had divorced and my mother was taking it out on my sisters and I. They would yell scream at each other, and I would sit in my room and cry myself to sleep almost every night. I somehow stopped being really anorexic, and decided I was just a nuisance to this world, so I started cutting myself, with anything really, glass, pins, anything sharp. I tried to kill myself many times doing this, but I was to afraid to go through with it. I guess all I wanted was to loved. No one ever talked to me about the divorce or my losing weight. They just looked on and made comments here and there.

I am 14, almost fifteen now. I never received help or advice from anybody. I guess that's why I am still struggling with it. Even though I have gained a lot of my original weight back, I still want to stop eating sometimes and hurt myself but I try to control my anger and pain until I can find someone who truly understands what I went through and still going through. Thank you for listening to my story, this has helped greatly.