Anorexia Nervosa

When I was 12 my mom and step mom both got pregnant. I was really, very happy. I couldn't wait to hold those cute little babies in my arms and play with them. But when they came, a lot of the attention that I had received as an only child was gone. I got very jealous. Not at them, but at my parents. They acted as though I wasn't there sometimes. So to receive attention I began starving myself. They found out and sent me to a therapist. I was fine. I could have stopped the day I wanted to. So, I just did and things got back to normal. What I didn't know is that a year later things would get much worse.

I woke up one day and got ready to go to ballet. I weighed 120 and I was 5"4. Typically normal weight for a 13 year old. Not for me. Every time I saw myself in my leotard I wanted to die. All the other ballerinas weighed 105-100 or less. And there was me, Fat old Katie. So I decided to diet. Not for attention. I could care less about attention. This was and still is for me. I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks. I ate no breakfast no lunch and no dinner. I still eat like that.

I weigh myself day and night about 2 times every hour. My mom doesn't know. My dad doesn't know. Lately I have been very mean to everyone around me. I wonder how they can look at my and not see what's going on. I mean I still consider myself at 109 and 5"5 very, very, very, very fat. I know that someday I am going to have to stop, or something serious could happen to me. But I am not ready to stop. This is just something I need to do for me. I hope someone can relate.