AstridMaria, a girl in recovery Anorexia Nervosa????????

Encouragement and advice for all those trapped in an eating disorder.

I sometimes wander why I became the victim of this devilish disorder called "anorexia nervosa". Most everything that has happened to me throughout my life goes through my head but in fact I always come to the conclusion that there really is no use in trying to place the blame on anything or anyone. I simply have to know that I am sick but that I can be well if I fight hard enough as I have been doing for the last 8 months.

It dawns on me today that I am so lucky to have gotten treatment last August after already having suffered and lived with this disorder for over two years. Had I not received treatment, would I still be in line, I surely would have ended up in the hospital ER by now with disgusting tubes going into my body, weak and helpless. It scares me to think about it.

I am fighting so hard now to get rid of this anorexic devil who ahs been controlling my life for so long. I am so sick and tired of it. How many times haven't I wished that I never would have become sick in this way? How many times haven't I wished to wake up one morning and find it all gone, all back to normal?...But I have realized that I am the only one who has the power to get well. I am the only one who can make sure that I do wake up one morning as a normal teenage seventeen-year-old girl with a joy for life that nobody can extinguish. I know now that the only way to get there is to keep fighting and fighting. I have come a long, long way during the course of my treatment, which has in fact done wonders and it is still helping me today to get past these last few obstacles that still lie ahead. But I must say that the path has become smoother and smoother as I go along and I know that one day I will have reached the final crossroad and I will definitely choose the one leading to complete freedom and well-being without "anorexia".

I want to encourage everyone who has an eating disorder or any other illness for the matter, to find treatment and follow it and fight against the suffering and pain you are living with. Though it is really tough along the way, I can assure you all, it's toughest in the beginning. Once you get over those highest obstacles, you'll be on your way to sure recovery and well-being.

My treatment is based on changing a certain behavior, the sick behavior, and slowly, but surely, normalizing it. This is done without the help of any kind of psychological medications or drugs. If you have the will-power, it is that which will drive you. We follow an eating schedule, consisting of six meals, three main ones and three small ones in between. I had to start with very little food in the beginning, but slowly I have augmented here and there and finally today I am almost at the normal phase. I have a normal portion of food (about 300 gr.) for lunch and dinner and my breakfast is normal with milk/yogurt and corn flakes/musli, juice and a sandwich. In between meals I have a fruit and a yogurt or something or a sandwich with something to drink. Now I am also eating a certain amount of candy and some days ice-cream.

I know that for a lot of you who are sick out there, reading this, all of this seems like a lot and it is something you will never be able to achieve. But I am telling you as one who knows exactly how it feels to be in your position, that it is possible and I am living proof. It has to be done in steps, small augmentations at a time, patiently. The important thing is that your mind is synchronized with what you're doing, although in the beginning you may have to be forced to do things mechanically anyway, in order to be able to get past those really high, sometimes mountainous, obstacles, of which I spoke earlier. I'm telling you that you can do it. Of course you may need professional help, specially a nutritionist and if it helps you, a therapist. But I would advice you, since I know that it is very common among all people suffering of eating disorders, to stop with the medications against different kinds of psychological symptoms. Because that is what they are, symptoms of your sick behavior, the one you have the power to change and get rid of.

I sincerely hope that these words and pieces of advice can be of much help to a lot of people all around the world, who may be reading this. I am going to keep fighting for myself, against the disorder and I am going to keep encouraging others to do the same. I know what it's like to hit rock bottom but I also know that it is highly possible to get out and start living again! Fight for your life!!!