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I think it all started when a year ago, when I was in
eighth grade. At the beginning of the year, I weighed
147 pounds. I had never really thought of myself as
fat, but I knew I wasn't the skinniest person in the
world. Sometime during that year, I started to lose
weight. I didn't do it on purpose, it just sort of
happened. By the end of the year, I had lost about 10
pounds without meaning to. My friends were starting to
notice and were telling how much better I looked. It
still didn't occur to me that there was anything
different. When I learned that I lost 10 pounds, I
just dismissed it as the scale was wrong. It was over
the summer problems started. I began to realize how
much better it was to be thin and I felt a lot happier
about myself. When I started high school, I was down
to 127 pounds and was feeling great until I realized
how much thinner everyone was compared to me. It was
then I realized I wanted to lose more weight. My
friends started to get concerned about me. They kept
making me eat and one brought me to an eating disorder
clinic. They thought that would cure me. It didn't
help any. I knew everything about eating disorders and
I knew exactly what I was doing. I spent a lot of time
learning about them and figuring out new ways to avoid
weight. It wasn't until a few months ago I became
bulimic. I don't think it's full blown bulimia. I
don't binge, it's just that whenever I eat, I tend to
throw up. A few of my friends know about my problems,
but I only told the ones I knew wouldn't try to get me
help. My best friend and I got into a fight over it
because she found out I was keeping secrets from her
and now she doesn't trust me. It seems like eating is
screwing up my life, but I can't stop because I don't
want to gain weight. I'm afraid to get help. Please if
you want to lose weight, don't go down this path. |
