|Anonymous' Story||Anorexia & Bulimia Nervosa|
My eating disorder started in the 8th grade. I was 5"2 and 95 lbs and thought I was obese. I decided I would not eat lunch and I would do 500 sit-ups a night. I did this for about a year but didn't loose any weight because I would pig out when I came home from school. I finally gave up and decided to eat normally. Over that summer, I gained a good ten pounds eating "normally." (I was actually eating a lot, I mean a lot, like bingeing but I didn't care enough at the time).
I freaked out when the school year started. I decided it's time to starve. I wanted so badly to be anorexic and be thin. I tried to stop eating but I would always binge. Always. Then in January, my friend told me that she was on a diet. I said, "what did you eat today?" And she said "A cup of soup and two lolly pops. That's sooo much!" I thought to myself wow I eat like three times as much as that. So I just said to myself you know what? Screw it. I hate everything in the world. If I was thinner it would be better. I am just not going to eat. I didn't. No, not for a solid month. I would eat nothing but an apple everyday. Then, a month later, I binged.
I frantically ran to the bathroom to see if I could do anything about it. I had read about girls sticking their fingers down their throats. It worked. For the next couple of months I would starve all day, binge throw up and that was it. Then it was April and my father got really ill. He almost died and was hospitalized. That upset me so much I was in so much pain. I stopped eating.
I stepped on a scale in June. I had not done this in a really long time. 86 lbs. I thought my god what did I do? My dad got better and was released from the hospital. I was happy. Didn't stop my disorder though. I wanted to eat, I couldn't though. It had taken over me. I wanted so badly to just pick up a sandwich and eat it. It was too hard. Too complicated. Over the summer I only ate raw vegetables.
I got help.
Now I am doing much better and I want to live instead of wanting to die. It has been very difficult. The thing about anorexia, and other eating disorders is that they help you cope with the world, life. When you finally step out into the world anorexia/bulimia free, you are scared. Very scared. I still am very scared.