Anonymous' Story Anorexia & Bulimia Nervosa

I am a 16 year-old girl with an eating disorder. It all started in the 9th grade. It was my first year of high school and I was dating a guy in the 11th grade. His Mom didn't like me at all, so I thought if I did noble things she'd start to notice me. I had no reason to try and please her because I wasn't a bad kid, actually I was very dedicated. Well, nothing I did worked, so I turned to my looks, that's when it all began!

I started to diet. The diet I chose was the Weight Watchers diet, I could eat up to 28 points a day. Well this diet worked great, so I decided to reduce my points to 18 points a day, and this worked even better. Within a couple of weeks I had already lost almost 10 pounds. I'm only 5'1", so it was a pretty drastic drop considering I was only 107 before I lost the weight.

I'm very active in sports, especially figure skating. I go away for the whole summer to skate in Sasketoon, SK. While I'm there I have a very heavy skating schedule and need as much food as I can get, so I gained back those 10 lbs. I lost. When the new school year came I had become very obsessed with it, so I went back on the Weight Watchers diet and started maintaining my weight again. Because I was very active in skating as an ice dancer, I had to up hold a certain look. I had to be slim, tiny, and flexible, so I began to get a lot more pressure to keep my weight down.

I maintained my weight until about November, until I just couldn't stand it anymore. I knew I had to loose weight, and I knew that my diet wasn't working where it was at. So, I reduced my points down to 2-3 points a day, which was an apple, granola bar, and/or a glass of iced tee. This diet worked great! I was down to 90 lbs., but Christmas rolled around, and I had lots of Christmas suppers and whatnot to go to, so this is about when I began to purge. I didn't gain any weight over Christmas, luckily!

This continued until the end of March when I became sick with mono. I was restricted to my bed for two weeks and had to stay at home for three. Even though I was sick, every time I had the slightest bit of anything to eat I would use any remaining strength to purge. In April my mono was better, I wasn't though. My new struggle was getting back on the ice. With my remaining muscle, which was none, I struggle to stay on my skates for more than 2 min. without being exhausted. I then realized that my skating was going to go down hill as well. I had become very depressed and stressed out over this and began to get sick again. I refused to go to the doctor though because if I even sneezed they'd pull me off the ice. So I tried hopelessly to struggle through this.

May rolled around, and that meant that prom was just around the corner, so I had to try twice as hard to make sure my dress looked sensational for my beau!

Around prom time is when my parents discovered that I have an eating disorder. They started sending me to a counselor, but that just made it worse because she made me feel like shit, so I begged for them to let me stop seeing her or at least to find someone else. We looked all summer and finally found a great counselor and dietitian.

Today I weigh about 104 lbs., feel like shit, and am starting my way to recovery?

I have a great boy friend of one year who has almost known about my disorder from the beginning. I work, skate, play soccer and baseball, play the flute and violin, maintain a high average, coach can skate at locale figure skating club, do ballet, fundraise for the three out of country school trips that I will be participating in, I train for marathon running, manage my family life, friends, boyfriend, and I am completely stressed out, with no time to even think about a cure for my case, let alone want to even try to cure myself. In my mind I am FAT! I will always be FAT, and right now I am happy with just being who I am. I've had this "disorder" for so long that it has just become me, so why bother changing me!