Rachael's Story Anorexia & Bulimia ????????

I haven't overcome anything. I don't remember exactly when it started. The actual purging maybe nine months ago. The anorexia a year before that, the over eating for as long as I can remember. I had a horrible childhood, filled with sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I hated myself and my life. There was a void that I felt somewhere inside my body, I began to feel this void by eating, I was gaining weight. In 8th grade I was 5'3" and weighed 140lbs. By my sophomore year of high school I was 5'5" and weighed 160lbs. I wasn't huge, just too big for myself. At the end of my junior year of high school, I began to limit my eating, I would allow myself two pieces of fruit per day, and I did exercises for hours afterwards. I lost 30 lbs. in three months, the other 15 took a while.

I began to eat again, not a lot, I thought I was in control. After a couple months of this "normal" eating I began to have stomach problems, I would eat something then it would begin to come up. I didn't do this on purpose, I thought that something was seriously wrong with me. My mother took me to the hospital and they ran all kinds of tests on me, CAT scans and stuff. The doctor ended up prescribing me Paxil for depression. Months passed and I had once again stopped eating, I would grow so hungry, but I still wouldn't allow myself to eat. I wanted to be perfect. My binge and purge ritual began one night, though I don't know how it happened. Now it's been more than nine months and I don't know how to stop. My ex-boyfriend found out, my mom found out, my sister-in law and my best friends, they know, I lie and say I quit, but I can't.