Anonymous 3 Story Anorexia and Bulimia

i am a 27 year old woman who has been anorexic/bulimic for 12 years. i was 15 when i became anorexic. i got pregnant at the age of 14 from my very first boyfriend who i thought loved me. throughout my childhood i had grown up in a home where my father, a truck driver, always away from home would arrive and beat up on my mom.

my mother did not share much with me, one of three kids, the youngest. finding love elsewhere i fell for the perfect lines "i love you" which lead to my pregnancy. 15 years old , mother of a baby girl, the talk of town and the disgrace of my family, i went from most popular to shame. having to compete with girls who had no kind responsibility and no stretch marks was very difficult so i turned to the only thing i thought could help me, anorexia.

it started with exercising morning noon and night to only eating saltine crackers everyday. soon even the crackers seem to be making me fat. although i had never been overweight and only gaining 10 pounds throughout my pregnancy, i had always been at about 127 lbs. a size 7 i was not satisfied with returning to my old weight. i began fasting only drinking water and eating ice, soon i was down to 103 lbs. and a size 3, i felt good about myself. the question now was "how do i keep it off?".

when i finally began eating again i would binge and purge. i would not eat to the extreme, i would eat soups and salads and still feel the need to throw up. when i finally met someone whom i thought i would be with for the rest of my life i tried to stop. after moving in together and feeling secure i went back to being a size 7. he knew i had a problem because i was vomiting at least 3 times a week, he asked me to stop but i just could not. i lied to him and said i had stopped a long time ago. i was 17 at the time.

a year later things were rough he was beating on me and verbally abusing me saying i was fat. Even though i had regained my reputation at school and was voted most beautiful and voted to represent my school i began bingeing and purging heavily.

i am 27 now and not much has changed in the aspect of my bulimia. i am married have two daughters 12 and 4, i am happy with my life but cannot rid myself of this disease. i am not overweight, yet i am still trying to achieve the perfect body. lately i have been afraid of what this disease is doing to me. i have been experiencing memory loss, fatigue, weakness, and aside the loss of enamel on my teeth, my hair has become dry and brittle., and i suffer stomach pains and mood swings, i want to quit but my willpower is interrupted every time i do. i have survived a car accident so serious that i thought my daughter was not gonna make it to problems in my marriage financially, emotionally, and problems with my 12 yr old daughter. what can i do to stop this, please help me.

my husband is aware of my problem but believes i can overcome it from one day to the next. i am a very good pretender that is one thing i have mastered. to the outside world and those who know me i am a very strong woman who can do anything possible, if they only knew.